Borderline Personality Disorder in Girls

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in Girls

BPD is not about bad behavior or bad parenting.
It is about a child whose emotional system feels everything more intensely and more quickly, and who has not yet developed enough tools to manage that intensity safely.

Think of it this way:
Your daughter’s emotional “volume knob” is turned up much higher than average—and once it’s loud, it’s very hard for her to turn it down on her own.

What BPD Looks Like in Girls (From the Inside):

Girls with BPD:

Feel emotions very deeply and very fast
Experience fear of abandonment or rejection as physically painful
They are extremely sensitive to tone, facial expressions, and changes in closeness
Often feel shame after emotional reactions and don’t understand why they reacted so strongly
May feel empty, confused about who they are, or terrified of being “too much”

These reactions are not chosen. They are nervous-system driven.

Why Parents Often Feel Confused:

Many parents say:

“She’s so loving one minute and furious the next”
“She’s fine at school but explodes at home”
“Nothing I say feels right”
“I feel like I’m walking on eggshells”

This happens because:

Home is the safest place for emotions to come out
Your daughter’s brain is still developing skills for emotional regulation
Stress, boundaries, or perceived distance can feel like abandonment to her nervous system

What BPD Is NOT:

BPD is not:

Manipulation
Attention-seeking
Laziness
A character flaw
A failure of parenting

When a girl with BPD reacts intensely, it’s because her system believes something is emotionally threatening, even if it doesn’t look that way from the outside.

Common Behaviors Parents Might See:

Emotional outbursts that seem “out of proportion”
Sudden shifts in how she sees people (all good → all bad)
Self-harm, risky behaviors, or threats as a way to escape overwhelming emotions
Intense need for reassurance, followed by pushing people away
Difficulty calming down once upset

These are signs of distress, not defiance.

The Hopeful Truth:

Girls with BPD often grow into:

Highly empathetic adults
Thoughtful leaders
Powerful advocates
Therapists, educators, artists, and healers

With the right skills and support, symptoms can improve dramatically.
This diagnosis is not a life sentence—it is a roadmap!

What Actually Helps:

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) (gold standard)
Trauma-informed therapy
Skills-based approaches (emotion regulation, distress tolerance, boundaries)
Family education to reduce invalidation and power struggles

WHAT IS DIALECTICAL BEHAVIOR THERAPY (DBT):

DBT is a skills-based therapy designed to help people who feel emotions very intensely learn how to manage those emotions safely and effectively. It teaches practical, learnable skills to help people manage intense emotions, tolerate distress, communicate effectively, and maintain stable relationships. It combines acceptance (“your feelings make sense”) with change (“here’s how to respond more skillfully”).

Why it works for BPD:

BPD is driven by emotion dysregulation, not bad behavior
DBT teaches concrete skills for calming big emotions, tolerating distress, communicating clearly, and maintaining relationships
It balances validation (“your feelings make sense”) with change (“here’s what to do differently”)
Skills are practiced repeatedly, not just talked about
Families often learn skills too, which reduces conflict and emotional escalation

In short:
DBT works for BPD because it gives the brain tools it didn’t develop yet—and when people have better tools, behavior improves.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is widely acknowledged as one of the most treatable major mental health disorders. Teenagers who participate in psychotherapy often find themselves capable of leading fulfilling and productive lives. Early intervention plays a vital role, as starting treatment sooner significantly increases the chances of recovery. A longitudinal study conducted at McLean Hospital revealed that “100% of the participants in our study achieved remission, and 77% sustained a remission for 12 years.” The study emphasizes that BPD is a “highly treatable condition, with psychotherapy being the primary treatment rather than medication.” (source: https://www.mcleanhospital.org/news/highly-treatable-lessons-learned-decades-long-borderline-personality-disorder-study)

As a therapist trained in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) who specializes in working with teenage girls diagnosed with BPD, I have seen the profound effects of DBT on both the young women and their families. The skills and strategies acquired through DBT equip these girls with essential tools to navigate the challenges of adolescence with increased confidence and resilience. Families also benefit greatly, gaining insights and techniques to better support their daughters, which enhances communication and fosters stronger connections. Together, we create a collaborative environment that nurtures healing and growth, enabling these girls to celebrate their uniqueness and flourish.

If you would like to set up a complementary 15 min. phone consultation or schedule an appointment, call 404-386-6130 or email alison@kellycounselingandcoaching.com You can also fill out the form below. Please note that counseling and coaching services are for Georgia residents only. Thank you and let me know if I can be of any further assistance.

I’m interested in COUNSELING for my daughter:

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WRITTEN BY ALISON KELLY, LPC

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